im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
