After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
