he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize