shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
