3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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