I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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