Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
