Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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