Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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