Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
