He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
