So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
