I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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