I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
