You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
