some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
