do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
