Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
