Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize