Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
