I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
