The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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