i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
