I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
