We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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