how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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