Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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