and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
