I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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