The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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