hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
