Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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