i just had sex bonerless
someone owes me an orgasm
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
