She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
