I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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