YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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