I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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