it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
drinking out of a sandbucket again
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
