Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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