i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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