Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
