Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
