I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize