did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
