Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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