I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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