I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
