last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
