Just fell off a train. Bad.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
