Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
