the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
