I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
