dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
