I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
