You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
