it's too hot outside to masturbate.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
