I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
do nipples grow back?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
