I only kidnapped one of them. chill
are you so shy because you have an std?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hippo gnu deer
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
