he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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