i think i have two assholes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
