I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
