id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
