so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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