new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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