Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
