From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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