u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
