Just fell off a train. Bad.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
