Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
