can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
